Newsletter and jokes 13 October 2023

Hi all 
Only two new movie movies this week, one each from Hollywood and Bollywood. 
There is also the Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour concert screening all over,  
but that does not have much of a plot :-) 
From Hollywood, the time-travelling action thriller 57 seconds, which seems 
to hit the Goldilocks spot ... neither very good nor very bad. 
From Bollywood, the mine rescue thriller Mission Raniganj. 
There are assorted Film Festival movies screening at different venues 
around the country, as well as the second episode of the Hunger Games  
(Catching Fire), as we build up to the new one coming next month.  
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* 57 Seconds (13 LVD) 
* Mission Raniganj (Probably 13 LV)(Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I went to the doctors.... 
To get the results of my blood test. He said everything is okay: my  
cholesterol was a little high but nothing to worry about. He also told me I 
was allergic to rice.  
I wondered why I got out of breath everytime I ate rice.  
Apparently I'm Basmatic. 
Give a man a duck and he’ll eat for a day... 
Teach a man to duck and he’ll never walk into a bar. 
My wife asked me if I've seen the dog bowl. 
I replied: I never knew it did.. 
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. 
Now everytime I speak, I have a weird Axe scent. 
There's a depressed king back in the 14th century. 
And nothing could cheer him up. Eventually the royal advisor hired a new  
fool to entertain the king. The clown was very funny, and most of the court  
laughed, but the king merely sighed, and then turned towards his advisor. 
"I don't think this worked Henry, but I appreciate the jester." 
Recently NASA found bones on the dark side of the moon. 
Turns out, the cow never made it. 
A nun ruined her uniform and asked her tailor for a replacement. 
Nearly 3 weeks later she angrily calls him asking what’s taking so long.  
“I don’t know why you’re upset.” - He coolly replies.  
“It takes at least 21 days to form a new habit.” 
A king sits on his throne. Suddenly, one of his knights enters. 
The knight looks so tired he can barely stand. His armour is heavily  
battered and covered with dust, his sword is notched, his helmet is cracked... 
King: Good Gracious, John! What happened to you? 
Knight: Oh, I've been hard at work lately, Your Majesty. A heavy blow I  
dealt against your enemies to the north. 
King: What? John, but I have no enemies to the north! 
Knight: Really? (thinks for a moment) Oh well, you do now. 
Apparently this weekend there will be constant rane, hale, gails, drissle,  
thundre, litnin, hy tydes, tawnaydoes and frizzing colde. 
Just a really bad spell of weather. 
What do you call it when a theater kid runs into a wall? 
Blunt force drama. 
A courier driver stopped amd asked me what time it was the other day. 
I told him it was between 4 and 7. 
Some friars decide that they no long want to be involved with the church  
and instead want to get into their true passion: flowers.  
They open a flower shop and people come flocking to it, as these are the  
flowers of truly righteous men. The other florists in town begin to become  
distressed because they are losing business. They all come together to talk  
about how to get their customers back. 
They try all sorts of things: sales, new flower types, even clowns to  
entertain the kids, but nothing works. At one of the late night meetings  
they all sit in the back of one of the florist’s shops and hang their heads  
in despair.  
Then one of them pipes up “We could always try Hugh.” The others look in  
confusion and ask “Who’s Hugh?”  
The first florist replies “He’s, look, he’ll work.” 
So the florists go find Hugh and ask for his help.  
Hugh agrees and goes to the friars’ shop. He walks out 5 minutes later and  
the friars are putting up a ‘Permanently Closed’ sign.  
The florists are flabbergasted except for the one who suggested Hugh. 
It goes to show, only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 
We've all seen geese flying in a V formation with one side being longer  
than the other. The question is: Why is one side longer? 
There are more geese on that side. 
This morning I caught one of my kids with graph paper. 
I'm sure he's plotting something. 

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