Hi all Good luck to all those busy with exams :-) Only two new movies this week, starting with the female-friendly The Miracle Club, which is on the art-and-related circuit. The counter-programming for that is the techno horror thriller Dear David, for adults only. The Marvels opens next week, and there are premieres on Thursday night at most venues. Enjoy. :-) New this week * The Miracle Club (PG10-12 D) * Dear David (16 LSVPH) https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm Forthcoming attractions https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the home page poster https://www.moviesite.co.za/ List of all movies showing https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Showtimes https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Enjoy :-) Cheers, Ian --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A wife lectures her husband. I'm telling you, Ed. Next time a young man comes to us, asking for a blessing to marry our daughter, just tell him "Yes". No need to grovel before him on your knees and kiss his hands while saying "My saviour"! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I decided to play golf with my friend. On the third hole he said, "Let's make this interesting." So we stopped playing golf... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. Samuel Johnson, author of the first great dictionary of English language, was visited by a delegation of respectable ladies of London. “Dr Johnson,” they said, “we congratulate you for omitting all indecent or obscene words from your dictionary.” “Ladies,” said Dr. Johnson, “I congratulate you for looking them up.” --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A pun walks into a room and kills 10 people... Pun in. Ten dead. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- My friend got a face tattoo of his favourite Star Wars character. You should’ve seen the Luke on his face. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man with authority walks into a bar... And orders everyone around. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- An elephant went to the post office to get a PO Box. The clerk was happy to address the elephant in the room. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Doctor: The problem with you is that you sit too much during the day. Patient: I understand. Doctor: That’s exactly right. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- An economics professor was walking with a student when the student looked down and said, “Look! A $50 bill!” The professor explained, “That can’t be true. If it were a $50 bill someone would have already picked it up.” --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Economics is the field of study where you learn how to predict the past. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp. He's inspecting the children who are all standing in uniforms in a straight line. He pulls one boy out of line. "What is your name, boy?" asks Stalin. "My name is Vovochka Karpov" answers the boy. "So, tell me, Vovochka, who is your mother?" "My mother is the Great Soviet Country," Vovochka answers. "Very good. And who is your father?" Stalin asks. "My father is the wise and kind Comrade Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin!" says Vovochka. Stalin smiles, pats Vovochka's cheek and says, "Marvelous, and who do you want to be when you grow up?" "An orphan." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a dead plant in the cemetery? The dearly de-potted. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- In Spain, when people are running from the bulls... The bulls are running from Chuck Norris. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man goes to the hospital. The doctors are pretty used to seeing him by now as he's notorious for swallowing things he shouldn't have. (The last time he was in there he'd swallowed a battery. That shocked the surgeon removing it.) So the doctor see him. "Good evening. What's the trouble today?" The man replies, "I've swallowed something" The doctor looks at him, already slightly annoyed about the whole thing, and asks "Will you tell me what it is?" To which the man just says "no". So the doctor orders an x-ray. A short while later he gets the pictures back and sure enough, sitting there in the man's intestine is a key. The doctor looks at the x-ray, thinks for a moment, then tells the man, "Well, it seems you've swallowed a key. It's not perticularly large and, luckily for all of us, the point is away from the direction of travel so you should pass it naturally in the next 6 hours. I recommend you go home and wait for that to happen." The man looks back "I can't do that Doctor, I'm locked out." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I remember the first time I saw a universal remote. I thought to myself, "This changes everything!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A husband and wife had a fight. Wife called her mom: "He fought with me again, I am coming to stay with you." Mom: "No dear, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'll never forget when my wife was going through labour the first time in the hospital. She suddenly began yelling out, "Don't! Can't! I've! You're!" I asked the nurse, "What's going on, is she OK?" The nurse said, "Just try to stay calm, she's having contractions." ... “Couldn’t’ve! Shouldn’t’ve!” she screamed. “Oh, no!” called out the doctor. “The contractions are intensifying!”