Newsletter and jokes 17 November 2023

Hi all 
This week's big release is the prequel to the popular teen survivalist angst 
franchise The Hunger Games. It should perform better than last week's dismal 
The Marvels, which set the wrong kind of records ... 
The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is also on the big IMAX screens, but for  
some reason the local censors slapped a 16 age limit on it, unlike the US  
and UK which allowed teens. 
For those with more artistic tastes, the ballet drama Joika is on at  
selected venues. This is also rated 16, but Italy gave it a 6+, so not  
sure what is going on ... I did query the FPB but had no response. 
Lastly Bollywood has the comedy Khichdi 2, which looks like their twist of 
the "prince and the pauper" tale. 
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* Joika 16 (LVP PPS) 
* The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (16 V) 
* The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (IMAX) (16 V) 
* Khichdi 2 (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)   
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I removed the shells from my racing snails to help them go faster. 
It only made them more sluggish. 
My neighbour claimed he can hypnotize people into obedience. 
He tried it with me, but failed. 
Now I gloat to him about it every Monday as I wash his car. 
How does a soft spoken Hawaiian laugh? 
With a low ha. 
My dad told us, “I know you guys hate it, but I’m going to wear Velcro shoes  
from now on... 
... I mean, why knot?” 
Did you hear they arrested the devil? 
Yeah, they got him on possession. 
I went on a date with a blonde woman last night. 
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. 
"Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." 
Then she said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is." 
A horse walks into a bar. 
"Why the long face?" the bartender asks... 
"Haha," the horse replies, sarcastically, "Haven't heard that one before." 
"Just got the news," the horse continues, "I've been accepted into college." 
Bartender says, "That's great news! You should be celebrating." 
"Yeah... now I'll be saddled with student loans." 
Guy walks into a store and asks the clerk, "Where's the alcohol?" 
Clerk replies, "I'm sorry, this is a candy store." 
Guy pleads, "Do you have any candy with alcohol in it?" 
Clerk walks down an aisle and returns with a bag. 
Guy looks at the bag and says, "This isn't quite what I wanted." 
Clerk replies, "Well, it is liquor-ish..." 
A fork says to a spoon, "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"  
The spoon says, "That was no ladle, that was my knife." 
Their wedding was so emotional... 
Even the cake was in tiers. 
I met a fortune teller and he gave me a calendar as a little gift. 
What a lovely thought, it's just a shame there's five months missing at  
the end of the year. 
A judge calls opposing council into his chambers . . . 
... and says "Gentlemen, I've called you here to discuss a very serious  
matter. Both of you have given me bribes to influence my decision". 
The lawyers begin to squirm in their seats. 
"Mr. Morgenstern, you have given me $40,000 to rule in your favor, and  
Mr. Atkinson, you have given me $50,000 to rule for you". 
He hands Atkinson $10,000 in cash and says "Now that you are both even,  
I intend to decide the case purely on its merits". 
In a doctors office. 
Woman: “Doctor, how is he? Any news?” 
Doctor: “Well the important thing is, he’s going to be fine.” 
Woman: “Oh thank goodness!” 
Doctor: “But, you must prepare yourself, the head trauma he sustained has  
had certain effects on his personality. 
Woman: “Oh no!” 
Doctor: “Yes, You see he’s damaged the center on the brain responsible for  
making comparisons and judgements. And one effect of this, for instance, is  
I’m afraid he’s incapable now of finding anything funny.” 
Woman: “Really?” 
Doctor: “Yes I’m afraid so. It’s completely removed his sense of humour.  
But, on the other hand, it does mean that he’s entirely at peace with his  
situation. Without judgement, he simply can’t comprehend that there’s  
anything he should feel dissatisfied about. 
Woman: “So... you’re telling me...” 
Doctor: “Yes, that’s right madam. He’s serious, but not critical.” 
I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees  
tribute concert in Switzerland.  
Then I saw her face. 
Now I'm in Geneva.  

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