Newsletter and jokes 24 November 2023

Hi all 
One month to Christmas, and Eskom working hard to give us more unproductive 
Only two new releases this week. First up for the kiddies, is the Disney  
animation Wish, also in 3D. The public have rated this higher than the  
For the adults, we have Ridley Scott directing Emperor Commodus as Napoleon, 
who would do anything to please Josephine.  
Reviews are above average without being outstanding.  
I was mistaken last week about The Ballad of Songbirds and Snake beating 
The Marvels, its opening also set the wrong type of record. Let's see  
if Napoleon can conquer. 
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* Wish (3D) (PG V) 
* Wish (PG V) 
* Napoleon (16 LSVP) 
* Napoleon (IMAX) (16 LSVP)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)   
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My mother-in-law was staying with us for Christmas last year. 
One afternoon she put on her coat and grabbed the car keys from the counter. 
My wife asked, "Where are you going?" 
She replied, "Heading to the cemetery." 
I said, "Great, but who's going to bring the car back?" 
My first three boyfriends all turned out to be pyromaniacs, and now I'm  
struggling to trust men. 
I've just been burned too many times. 
Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone. 
A genie appears and grants them one wish each. 
The first says "Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."  
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating  
Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells "Make a shower of meat  
all over the place." Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins  
showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up. 
The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars "Make the same as the last one, but  
make it a MEATIER SHOWER!" 
I ate horse meat last week and it made me seriously ill. 
The doctor says my condition is stable now. 
I think think my best friend is having an affair with my wife. 
He's been miserable lately. 
I’ve started investing in stocks 
Beef, chicken, and vegetable... one day I hope to be a bouillionaire. 
Who else would like to see a puppet show without the puppets? 
Let’s see a show of hands... 
I bought a shirt and some neckwear from Ebay that used to belong to the guy  
from the Mamas & the Papas. 
All the sleeves are brown and the tie is gray.  
What's a Karen's pronouns? 
A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on a desert island 
The only thing on the island besides the three academics is a single can of 
The physicist suggests that they build a fire and heat up the can until the  
pressure causes the can to explode. 
The chemist says “No, no, the beans will fly everywhere, land on the ground,  
and get all sandy. Our only food will be ruined.” 
Instead, the chemist suggests, they should use the corrosive power of the  
ocean’s saltwater to eat away at the lid of the can. 
The economist protests “that will take too long, we’ll starve before then.” 
“I have a better idea,” the economist says. “Assume a can opener.” 
My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first  
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house. 
A möbius strip walks into a bar, distraught and crying 
The bartender says “Oh no, Möbius Strip! Looks like you’ve had a bad day.  
Pull up a chair and tell me what’s wrong” 
The mobius strip sit down, wipes it’s eyes and says “WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN?!” 

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