Newsletter and jokes 29 December 2023


 
Hi all 
 
Let's hope 2024 has less war and more peace. 
 
This week's big release is the adults-only rom-com, Anyone But You. The  
public rated it higher than the press, which is kinda par for the course. 
 
Ferrari takes a look at Enzo Ferrari’s desperate gamble to save his  
struggling car company by taking part in a treacherous race.  
 
Lastly, The End We Start From is an arthouse-and-related drama about a  
mother's struggle to save her baby in the aftermath of a flood. 
 
Enjoy. :-) 
 
New this week 
  
* The End We Start From (13 LV) 
* Ferrari (16 LSV) 
* Anyone But You (18 LNSP) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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What do you call a Druid with a positive attitude? 
 
An optimystic. 
 
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Two Englishmen were lost in the desert and were suffering miserably from  
hunger. 
 
Suddenly, in the distance, they see a marketplace, with assorted vendors  
selling things! They can't believe it! 
 
They finally reach the oasis and beg the first vendor for water. 
 
"Sorry, chaps", says the vendor. "I only sell sponge cake." 
 
The Englishmen are more thirsty than hungry, so they decline. 
 
They beg the second vendor for water. 
 
"Sorry, guvs", says the vendor. "I only sell sherry". 
 
The Englishmen realize that drinking alcohol will only increase their thirst,  
so they decline. 
 
They beg the third vendor for water. 
 
"Oh, what a pity", says the vendor. I only sell jelly, custard and whipped  
cream". 
 
The Englishmen realize that these, too, would just make them even thirstier  
and crawl off to the desert, miserably thirsty. 
 
"I say", says the first Englishman to the second one, "that was a really  
strange marketplace." 
 
"Yes", says the second one. It was a trifle bazaar." 
 
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I left my job today, could not work for my service manager after what he  
said to me. 
 
He said I'm fired. 
 
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My girlfriend is a witch and she was practicing casting spells by turning me  
into different inanimate items such as door keys, a rock, a vase and so on. 
 
I told her I really wished she would stop objectifying me. 
 
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It is a little known fact that the ancient Pharaohs loved Chinese cooking... 
 
... and that their chefs became exceedingly good at it. 
 
So good, in fact that even the Chinese cooks wanted to Wok like an Egyptian. 
 
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I bought the most terrible thesaurus yesterday. 
 
Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible. 
 
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Why did everyone cry at the laxative commercial? 
 
It was very moving. 
 
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A man is hungry and decides to visit a restaurant he heard good things about. 
 
Goes in, sees diners eating delicious looking food, all served on the finest  
porcelain china. 
 
A waiter takes the man to an empty table and hands him a menu.  
 
The man peruses it for a moment, then decides he wants to try the Eggs  
Benedict. 
 
"Very well" says the waiter, and returns a few minutes later with the meal  
on a hubcap. 
 
"Everyone else gets these fancy plates, why did you bring me my food on a  
hubcap?" asks the man. 
 
"Because," the waiter sighs, "there is no plate like chrome for the  
hollandaise." 
 
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Thinking about the holidays and not being around my kids is kind of  
depressing.  
 
I was just thinking about how I can't teach them basic survival skills like  
how to make a pizza with nothing but a cell phone and a credit card. 
 
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Two blondes are trapped in an elevator. 
 
They yell for hours, in the hopes someone will hear and come to their rescue.  
 
They take it in turns to scream for help. 
 
“Help!” 
 
“HELP!” 
 
“H E L P !”. 
 
One blonde turns to the other and says “This isn’t working. Maybe we should  
try yelling together”? 
 
The other blonde agrees and the two then start shouting 
 
“TOGETHER!” 
 
“TOGETHER!” 
 
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I think the International Flat Earth Society 
 
should have been named the Global Flat Earth Society 
 
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Today I learned that you can actually hear your blood flowing through your  
veins. 
 
You just have to listen varicosely. 
 
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Shopping centers: If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall. 
 
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My wife, to our therapist: I’m sick of him being literal all the time. 
 
Therapist, to me: Do you understand what she means? 
 
Me: Yes. It’s a feminine pronoun. 
 
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It was another perfectly beautiful day in the Garden of Eden. 
 
Eve approached Adam and asked,  
"Is everything OK with you? You've been acting a little differently lately." 
 
Adam replied, "Sure, everything is wonderful as always." 
 
Eve prodded further,  
"Adam, be honest with me. Have you been seeing another woman?" 
 
Adam told her, "No, of course not. You're the only woman in the entire world." 
 
Eve then began pointing at Adam with her index finger. 
 
Adam asked, "Now what are you doing?" 
 
Eve said, "Be still, I'm counting your ribs." 
 
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If I buy an electric car... 
 
... should I listen to AC/DC, or something current? 
 
 



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