Newsletter and jokes 4 December 2015

Hi all 
Last week it was Bond, this week it's Rocky... the old timers just keep on  
coming back! And for a change, he's in a highly-rated movie.  
Also up for the kiddies is Charlie Brown's first big screen adventure. 
There's also a new movie (made last year) by writer-director Andrew Niccol, 
who has a habit of tackling 'interesting' subjects.  
No previews this week as we head for the holidays. 
M O V I E S 
4 December 2015 
* Creed (10 V) 	 
* Good Kill (13 LSVD SV) 
* Bus 657 (16 LV) 	 
* The Peanuts Movie (PG) 
* The Peanuts Movie (3D) (PG) 
* Elsa & Fred (PG7-9) 	 
* Rajini Murugan  
Forthcoming attractions for 4 December 2015  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 11 December.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
An elderly gentleman walked into an upscale cocktail lounge. 
He was in his seventies, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great 
looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of a great lure 
(good after shave). 
He presented a very good image. 
Seated at the bar was an elderly really classy looking lady (in her 
seventies too). 
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. 
He orders a drink. 
He takes a sip. 
He slowly turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" 
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) 
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. 
I don't have to go to school or work. 
I get an allowance every month. 
I have my own pad. 
I don't have a curfew. 
I have a driver's license and my own car. 
I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store. 
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. 
And I don't have acne. 
Life is great. 
This blonde was selling her pet Python on eBay. 
A bloke just rang up and asked if it was big. 
She said, "It's massive." 
He said, How many feet?" 
She said none. "It's a frikking Snake"!! 
During a lady's medical examination, the British doctor says, "Your heart, 
lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that 
gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." 
The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor. 
"No! No! .... Just stick out your tongue!" 
Chap is fishing and hooks a salmon. Reels it in and is just going to kill 
it for his dinner when it looks at him 
"Hey mate, don't kill me, I'm only a baby, I haven't swum the 7 seas yet, 
Gis a chance pal" says the salmon 
The man looks at the salmon 
"You can talk" 
"Course I can, go on put me back, there's much bigger fish under the 
"All right", says the man, "I'll put you back, what's your name?" 
"Rusty" says the salmon, "And yours?" 
He puts the fish back in the water and resolves to say nothing of this to 
anyone, fearing that he'll become a laughing stock. 
10 years later he's fishing in the same spot and he hooks a monster. It 
takes him 2 hours to land it. He looks at it and pictures it on his dinner 
plate. Just then the salmon opens one eye and looks at him 
"Dave, is that you"? 
"Rusty, I don't believe it, it must be 10 years since I let you go, what 
you been doing?" 
"well Dave, I've had a fantastic time, I've swum the 7 seas and all the 
oceans. In fact , I've just come across the Atlantic, but I was really 
"Why's that Rusty?" 
"Well, I was half way across and a voice told me to swim deeper, so I did, 
deeper and deeper, and I found this huge shipwreck, I counted 4 funnels, it 
felt like death so I had to leave" 
"wow rusty, that was the Titanic, sank with almost all on board lost" 
"Ah, I knew it, in fact, I was so upset I had to sit down and write a poem 
about it" said Rusty 
"A poem, don't talk daft, you're just a fish, how can you write a poem, 
that's rubbish" 
"No Dave, really, it's available in all bookshops now" 
"Ok" says Dave, "what's it called than?" 
"Salmon Rustys Titanic Verses". 

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