Newsletter and jokes 1 January 2016

Hi all 
Happy new year to those of you who celebrate such things... :-) 
As expected, Star Wars continued to rewrite the history books, but so far 
no word on how it's doing here. However some of the gloss is starting to 
wear off and there are pieces appearing online critiquing all the plotholes. 
This week sees two big releases, one for the kiddies and one for those a 
bit older, but both have been described as less-than-the-best from their 
creators so we're not expecting any fireworks from them.  
The other two releases have smaller target markets. 
M O V I E S 
31 December 2015 
* Sisters (16 LD) 	 
* Concussion (PG7-9 L) 
* The Good Dinosaur (PG V) 	 
* The Good Dinosaur (3D) (PG V) 	 
* In the Heart of the Sea (PG10-12 V) 
* In the Heart of the Sea (3D) (PG10-12 V)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 8 January.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (wallpaper for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My New Year's resolution is to not make any more resolutions, which sort of 
cancels itself. 
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked 
to speak to his client. "Saul, I have some good news and, I have some bad 
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news 
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me 
that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a 
minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right." 
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant 
businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad 
news. What is it?" 
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary." 
Mummy and Daddy Balloon have a baby balloon. 
Whilst baby balloon was very young he was allowed to sleep with mummy and 
daddy but one day daddy had to take his son aside and say "sorry son but 
you're growing fast there is no room in our bed any more so you are going 
to have to sleep in your own bed from now on". 
Baby balloon wasn't happy sleeping on his own and so crept into his parents 
room in the early hours let a little bit of air out of his mummy and then a 
little out of his daddy and then some air out of himself. 
Daddy awoke in the morning and was really furious! 
He dragged his son to one side and said "Son, you've let me down! your 
mother down! but worst of all you've let yourself down!" 
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. 
She timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how 
a patient is doing?' 
The operator said 'I'll be glad to help, dear. 
What's the name and room number?' 
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, 
'Norma Findlay, Room 302.' 
The operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold while 
I check with her nurse.' After a few minutes the operator returned to the 
phone, 'Oh, good news. 
Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. 
Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her 
physician, Dr. Smith has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday.' 
The grandmother said, 'Thank you. That's wonderful! 
I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.' 
The operator replied, 'You're more than welcome. 
Is Norma your daughter?' 
The grandmother said, 'No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. 
No one tells me anything. 
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man 
walking with his legs spread wide apart. 
One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. 
Those people walk just like that." 
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has 
Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class." 
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached 
him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and 
couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the 
syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" 
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you 
One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome." The old man said: 
"You thought, but you are wrong." 
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old 
man said: "You thought, but you are wrong." 
So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?" 
The old man said: "We were all wrong, I thought it was wind, now can one of 
you direct me to a toilet?" 

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