Newsletter and jokes 8 April 2016

Hi all 
An interesting lineup this week, with most new releases scoring well. In  
fact the Pick of the Week was almost a dead heat (72 vs 71), and curiously, 
comes from a genre which is not often the best new release in a week.  
However this one has found favour with both the critics and the crowds,  
despite the lack of A-list celebrity stars. So enjoy. 
No previews this week. No long weekends either :-((. 
M O V I E S 
8 April 2016 
* Robo-Dog (PG) 	 
* Macbeth (13 V) 
* Z for Zachariah (PG10-12) 	 
* 10 Cloverfield Lane (13 V) 
* Eddie the Eagle (PG7-9 D)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 15 April.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full-HD wallpaper for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My goal for 2015 was to lose just 10 kilos. Only 15 to go. 
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, 
round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. 
FINE, it was a pizza.I ate a pizza. 
How to prepare Tofu: 
1.Throw it in the trash. 
2.Grill some Meat. 
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. 
I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live 
longer than men who mention it. 
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to 
walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel. 
Senility has been a smooth transition for me. 
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they 
closed school? 
Me neither. 
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or 
talented....I forgot where I was going with this. 
I love being over 50.I learn something new every day.......and forget 5 
A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money 
so I woke up and searched with him. 
My dentist told me I need a crown.I was like 
I KNOW !, Right? 
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it 
a day. 
The recession... 
Wives are sleeping with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. 
CEOs are now playing miniature golf. 
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. 
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies 
while she danced. 
I saw a Mormon with only one wife. 
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them 
and ask if they meant you or them. 
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. 
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. 
Parents in Houghton fired their nannies and learned their children's names. 
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they 
re-possessed her! 
A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria. 
A picture is now only worth 200 words. 
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. 
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. 
And, finally... 
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my 
savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide 
Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was 
suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck. 
I've just been offered a job to re design the electric chair - apparently 
the one they use now is just a death trap.... 
I see Boomerangs are making a comeback. 
I went into a bakers shop the other day, and asked the girl behind the 
counter, "Is that a cream cake or a meringue?" 
She said, "No, you were right the first time, It's a cream cake". 
I  called our local Paranoia Society today. 
The guy who answered the phone said, "How the heck did you get this 
On my way home from work I stopped off at the petrol station to put some 
air in my tyres as they were a bit flat. 
So I put the air in and went inside to pay. 
The cashier said to me "R20 please". 
"R20!" I said, "It's air for crying out loud, it shouldn't be that 
"Well", he replied, "That's inflation for you". 

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.