Newsletter and jokes 13 May 2016

Hi all 
I trust Friday the 13th has been kind to you. 
Those angry birds hit the big screen today, in essence it's the back story 
for the popular games, however it's strictly for the kids. 
Also up is a new Afrikaans rom-com, as well as two further adult comedies, 
one a rom-com and the other a war-com (if there is such a thing outside of 
Lastly, there are multiple previews all over next Thursday evening/night 
for the upcoming X-Men: Apocalypse, in 3D, 3D IMAX and 4DX ... see the  
Previews page and remember to book. 
M O V I E S 
Released 13 May 2016 
* Azhar (Hindi) 
* The Angry Birds Movie (PG V) 
* The Angry Birds Movie (3D) (PG V) 
* Uitvlucht (PG10-12) 
* The Perfect Match (16 LSD) 
* Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (16 LV)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 20 May.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I was having a drink the other night and overheard three very hefty women 
talking at the bar. 
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, 
"Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?" 
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!" 
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from 
And that's the last thing I remember. 
KFC Hong Kong has announced that it's created edible nail polish. It will 
come in two flavours, Original and Hot & Spicy. KFC says, "To use, 
consumers simply apply and dry, like regular nail polish, and then lick, 
again, and again, and again, and it ís finger lickin good." 
An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying: 
Dear Dad   
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I 
am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB 
when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train. 
Your son, Nasser   
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mailfrom his dad: 
My dear loving son   
One Hundred million dollars have just been transferred to your account. 
Please stop embarrassing us. 
Go and get yourself a train too. 
Love, Dad  
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the 
villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, 
seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and 
started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply 
started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. He further 
announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the 
villagers, and they started catching monkeys again. 
Soon the supply diminished even further and the people started going back 
to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each, and the supply of monkeys 
became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone 
catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, 
since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now 
buy on behalf of him. 
In the absence of the man, the assistant said to the villagers: 
“Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I 
will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you 
can sell them to him for $50 each.” 
The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. 
Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys 
Now you have a further understanding of how the stock market works. 
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey 
comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused 
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle 
of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous 
Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. 
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank 
a little, then a little more and before they knew it, 
she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. 
"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before 
you die." 
She raised herself up in bed and said, "Don't sell that cow." 

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