Newsletter and jokes 3 June 2016

Hi all 
A somewhat low-key week this week, with the two big releases not as big as your 
typical blockbusters. I guess that's because it's exam time and there are  
already some big movies on circuit for your enjoyment. They're also almost 
all aimed at older audiences. 
On the positive side, the quality is generally quite good, so enjoy... :-) 
M O V I E S 
Released 3 June 2016 
* Mrs Right Guy (13 L) 
* Money Monster (16 L) 
* A Bigger Splash (16 LNSD) 
* Hardcore Henry (18 LV PPS) 
* Housefull 3 (Hindi) 
* Everybody Wants Some!! (16 LD)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 10 June.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (off-beat full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
National Health Insurance new option 
Part G* Assume you are a senior citizen and can no longer take care of 
yourself. The government says there is no Nursing Home care available for 
you. So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Part G. 
The plan gives anyone, 75 or older, a gun (Part G) and one bullet. 
You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be 
sent to prison for the rest of your life... You will receive three meals a 
day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, 
a library, and all the Health Care you need. 
Need new teeth? No problem. New glasses? Piece of cake! What about hearing 
aids, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, s*x change, or heart surgery? They are 
all covered! As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least 
as often as they do now! And who will be paying for all of this? The same 
government that just told you they 'can't afford for you to go into a nursing  
home.' And you will get rid of a useless politician to boot! And now, because  
you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes! Is this a great 
country or what? Now that you have solved your senior financial plan, enjoy the  
rest of your week! 
The British Penny 
The British Penny European Union Directive No. 456179 
In order to bring about further integration with the single European currency, 
the Euro, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern 
Ireland must be made aware that the phrase "Spending a Penny" is not to be 
used after 31 May 2016. 
From this date forward, the correct term will be: "Euronating". 
It is hoped that this will be a great relief to everyone. If you have any 
questions, just give me a tinkle. 
The difference between CRAZY and STUPID 
A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to the Mental Hospital. 
He discovered a flat tire when he was about to leave.  
He jacked up the truck and took the flat tire off. 
When he was about to replace the flat tire with the spare tire, he 
accidentally dropped all the nuts into a storm drain. 
Realizing he can't fish the nuts out, he starts to panic.  
A patient walking by asks him what happened. 
The driver told him his problem. And the patient said "Can't even fix such a 
simple problem... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." 
"Here's what you can do, take one nut each from the other 3 tires and then  
tighten them on to the spare. Then drive to the nearest garage and replace the 
missing ones, easy as that!" 
The driver was very impressed and asked: "You're so smart but why are you here 
in a  Mental Hospital?" 
Patient replied: 
"Hello, I am here because I'm CRAZY, not STUPID!! " 
Been having this online conversation with a 14 year old chick.    
She's cool, sexy, flirty and very funny. 
She now tells me she's an undercover cop!! 
How cool is that at her age? 
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and 
started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man 
kneeling at a grave. 
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 
"Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? 
Why did you have to die?" 
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with 
your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever 
seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" 
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's 
first husband." 

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