Newsletter and jokes 21 July 2017

Hi all 
First up, there's a select few "girls night out" previews next Wednesday 
night for the upcoming comedy "Girls Trip". See the previews page and 
book in advance... 
The third academic term is kicking off and families are back home, and 
Captain Underpants is here to entertain the little ones. 
French director Luc Besson is back with his big-budget teen-friendly 
sci-fi epic Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. 
On the art circuit we have the well-rated Things to Come, as well as 
select screenings of the filmed version of the play Salome. 
Lastly Bollywood offers up typical fare with Munna Michael. 
Released 21 July 2017 
* Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (PG) 
* Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (3D) (PG) 
* Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (PG10-12 V) 
* Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (3D) (PG10-12 V) 
* Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 V) 
* Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (4DX) (PG10-12 V) 
* Things to Come (13 LD) 
* Munna Michael  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 28 July  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
The Innovation Centre for U.S. Dairy reported that the centre's most 
frequently asked question on it's website is, "Does chocolate milk come 
from brown cows?" It was asked 847,063 times, from the 1,698,571 questions 
asked in 2016 (or 49.8%). 
"Whenever I have a problem, I sing.  Then I realize that my voice is a lot 
worse than my problem." 
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was 
behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. 
"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said. 
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he 
"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled. 
The patrolman then asked, "May I see your licence?" 
The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?" 
The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your licence!" 
The woman then gave the officer her licence. 
"I see you are from Perth," the patrolman said. "I spent some time there 
once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." 
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?" 
The old man replied, "He said he knows you! 
"Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather 
forecasts and economists?" 
Two teenage girls in Georgia robbed a bank. I have to say one thing. It's 
nice to see young women stealing money without the help of divorce lawyers. 
David filled his car with Petrol at a self-service Petrol station. 
After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the Petrol 
cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. 
Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done 
the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the 
road since even if he couldn't find his own Petrol cap, he might be able to 
find one that fit. 
Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a Petrol cap. He 
tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. 
"Great," David thought, "I lost my Petrol cap, but I found another one that 
"And this one's even better because it locks." 
A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. 
"I win!" said Johnson. 
Henderson threw down his cards. "That's it! I've had it! Johnson is 
"How can you tell?" Phillips asked. 
"Those aren't the cards I dealt him!" 
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a 
new penny. 
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her 
father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images 
would help. 
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, 
the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. 
"Now do you understand?" he asked. 
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?" 

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