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Newsletter and jokes: 29 December 2017



Hi all

And so the year draws to a close ... been a rather hectic year with 
difficult business conditions (the stock exchange does not reflect things 
on the street), and embarrassing politics both here and abroad.

Let's hope 2018 is a lot better :-)

Anyway... in the comfort of the air-conditioned cinemas, we have the 
reboot/remake/relaunch of Jumanji, which did reasonably well last week
Stateside and in the UK, given that it is up against the Star Wars
juggernaut. 

Also up, with popular and some critical appeal, is the biopic of famed
US showman PT Barnum (he of the famous "There's a sucker born every
minute" alleged quote).

Lastly on the art circuit we have Beatriz at Dinner, for some cerebral 
entertainment.

No previews this week. Take care with the partying :-)

Enjoy :-)

Released 29 December 2017

* Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (13 LV)
* Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (3D) (13 LV)
* Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (4DX) (13 LV)
* The Greatest Showman (PG10-12 VP)
* Beatriz at Dinner (13 LVPD)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

Forthcoming attractions
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he
spotted a sweet young thing.

He asked the trainer that was nearby, "What machine in here should I use,
to impress that sweet young thing over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I'd try the ATM in the lobby"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part
in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25
years.

The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table
watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap
dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the
duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for
$10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck
is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't
dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle
under the pot?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay this is just silly, but...

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask
me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

This bloke stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up,
looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and
speed, driving his golfing mate nuts.

Finally his exasperated mate says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit
the bloody ball!"

His mate replies, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I
want to make this a perfect shot."

"No way! You don't stand a snowball's chance of hitting her from here."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Old Perfesser hadn't been to a class reunion in decades.

When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over
in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting,
saying, "You look like Helen Brown."

"Well, you don't look so great in blue!" the woman snapped back.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scientists have finally figured out what is wrong with men. The problem
lies in the two halves of their brains - the left and the right.

The left half has nothing right in it.
And the right half has nothing left in it!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Billy was excited about attending school. So excited in fact, that only a
few minutes after his first class started, he desperately needed to go to
the toilet.

Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the
teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.
"I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should
go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.

Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I
still can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a
while, to help Billy find the toilet.

So Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and
sit down at their seats.

The teacher asks Tommy "Well, did you two find it?"

Tommy was quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on
backwards!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little
boy trying to sell a lawn mower. 'How much do you want for the mower?'
asked the preacher.

'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little
boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, Will you take my bike
in trade for it?'

The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the
bike around a little while, said, 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'

The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a
few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little
boy over and said, 'I can't get this mower to start.'

The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it
started.'

The preacher said, I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a
Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss.'

The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'You just keep pulling on
that rope. It'll come back to ya!


Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (4DX)The Greatest ShowmanJumanji: Welcome to the JungleJumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (3D)
Newsletter
Beatriz at Dinner
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