Newsletter and jokes 9 February 2018

Hi all 
This week's Oscar hopeful is The Disaster Artist, which has picked up some bad 
publicity after allegations against Franco. 
The commercial line-up will appeal to a different audience, take your pick from  
ra-ra Go USA Go war action to wacky comedy, to the hot and steamy climax of the  
Fifty Shades trilogy. 
For the kiddies we have Tad the Lost Explorer bumbling his way to new  
discoveries, while the art circuit has a doccie on the recent mass migrations 
causing issues around the world. 
Lastly India has two releases on the lighter side of the spectrum. 
On the previews side, there are multiple previews only at Sam Levy for Black 
Panther next Thursday night...  
Businesswise, Jumanji is now 3rd on the all-time Top Ten list, and will have  
overtaken Avatar by the end of the weekend, if not already. 
Released 9 February 2018 
* The Disaster Artist (18 LNS) 
* 12 Strong (16 LV) 
* Fifty Shades Freed (16 LNSV) 
* Fifty Shades Freed (IMAX) (16 LNSV) 
* Just Getting Started (13 LV) 
* Tad the Lost Explorer and the Secret of King Midas (PG7-9 V) 
* Tad the Lost Explorer and the Secret of King Midas (3D) (PG7-9 V) 
* Human Flow (16 V) 
* Pad Man (Hindi) 
* Tholi Prema (Teluga)  
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. 
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?" 
The clerk asks, "Are you Irish?" 
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. 
"If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or 
if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or 
if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I 
had asked for a 
Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, 
would you ask if I was Polish?" 
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't." 
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you 
ask me if I'm Irish?" 
The clerk replied, "Because this is a hardware store." 
I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage. I showed the 
badly damaged remains to my lawyer. 
He said, "You don't have much of a case." 
If you can start the day without caffeine,  
If you can always be cheerful, 
Ignoring aches and pains,  
If you can resist complaining  
And boring people with your troubles,  
If you can eat plain food every day  
And be grateful for it,  
If you can understand when your loved ones  
Are too busy to give you any time, 
If you can take criticism and blame  
Without resentment,  
If you can conquer tension  
Without medical help, 
If you can relax without liquor,  
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, 
... Then You Are Probably ......... 
The Family Dog! 
Women are angels, but, when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to 
fly on a broomstick. 
We're flexible like that. 
Any man who thinks marriage is a 50/50 proposition, doesn't understand 
women or arithmetic. 
A blonde goes to the doctor complaining about not feeling well. On 
examination, the doctor noticed she had a carrot in her ear, a piece of 
potato in the other ear and a bean in one nostril and peas in the other. 
The quack told her that she wasn't eating properly. 
Three blondes are at the carnival trying all the attractions in mug's 
alley. As to be expected, they all win a small prize. The first won a 
sample packet of spaghetti, the second a small cheese and the other scored 
a new toilet brush. A few days later, the three friends caught up for a 
coffee and chat. 
"I just loved that spaghetti, that was a great win" said one. 
"And I just love cheese" said the second "That was the perfect prize and so 
"I'm disappointed by the toilet brush" said the other girl "I'm going back 
to using paper." 
The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around 
Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the 
city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality. 
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em, will last for the rest of the week. 

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