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Newsletter and jokes: 3 August 2018



Hi all

Note that due to the public holiday next Thursday (and the long weekend for
the kids) this is a short week as far as the movies are concerned ... new 
releases open next Thursday.

This week we take a break from the US summer blockbusters (MI: Fallout was
the last for the year), and instead have something of a mixed bag.

First up is the family-friendly Christopher Robin, which takes a look at 
how Christopher Robin from the Winnie the Pooh stories is dealing with his 
stuck-in-a-rut adult life. 

For the teens we have what will probably be the first in a series, based
on the best-selling novels series, The Darkest Minds.

For the adults, you can choose between the action thriller sequel to 
Sicario, or Jody Foster playing a frumpy doctor in the gritty Hotel 
Artemis. Rounding out the lineup is the arthouse release of Mary Shelley 
(she of Frankenstein fame) and local struggle drama Asinamali.

Finally Bollywood has three very different films on offer.

On the previews side, there are previews next Wednesday evening at selected 
venues for The Spy Who Dumped Me, and new local Afrikaans drama Stroomop
will be screening all day next Wednesday at selected venues.

Lastly, businesswise... local Durbywood comedy Broken Promises 4-Ever had
a stunning debut last weekend, thoroughly clobbering both Mamma Mia and 
MI: Fallout on a per-screen basis, so the distributors are rolling it out
to more venues this weekend. Enjoy.

Released 3 August 2018

* Christopher Robin (PG V)
* Sicario: Day of the Soldado (16 LV)
* Hotel Artemis (16 LVD)
* Mary Shelley (16 DS)
* The Darkest Minds (13 LVP)
* Asinamali (16 LVP SV)
* Fanney Khan (Hindi)
* Karwaan (Hindi)
* Mulk (Hindi)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm 

Forthcoming attractions
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (Full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm 

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saw an old friend of mine the other day, so I asked him how things were.
 
He told me that things were bad ... his missus wasn't talking to him.
 
I saw him again today & asked how things were now.
 
He said they were worse.
 
I asked him to share his feelings as to how worse things could get.
 
He said that she was now talking to him ...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to
the starving people throughout the world.

I told them to get lost.

Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've spent 95% of my money on women and drink....the rest of it I've
wasted.

I just broke up with this cross-eyed bird. I thought she was seeing someone
else.

There are only two times in a man's life when we don't understand
women... before marriage and then again after marriage.

When your girlfriend asks, "Does my bum look big in this?" Never reply,
"The dress or the room?"

I support feminists ... if only they put all that passion into their
cooking.

Apparently women have far cleaner minds than men. Hardly surprising as they
change them every five minutes of the day!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Asian drug addicts are in hospital after injecting themselves with
curry powder. One has a dodgy tikka, the other is in a korma.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a bitterly cold winter's day several years ago in northern British
Columbia, an RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was
swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside.

"What's the matter?" asked the Mountie.

"Carburettor's frozen," was the terse reply.

"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."

"Can't."

"OK, I will."

The constable lubricated the carburettor, as promised. The bike started and
the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the RCMP detachment office received a note of thanks from
the father of the motorbike rider.

It began: "On behalf of my daughter, who recently was stranded ..."

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Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens
at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at
maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of
collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a
gun was sent to the American engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled
out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to
smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's
back-rest in two and imbedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an
arrow shot from a bow..

The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the
British scientists for suggestions. 

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo: 

"Defrost the chicken."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The petrol attendant says "Sorry we're closed".

I said "but your sign says open 24 hours".

He says "Yes, but not in a row".

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sexual harrassment is a really touchy subject.





KarwaanMary ShelleySicario: Day of the SoldadoHotel ArtemisAsinamali
Newsletter
Fanney KhanMulkChristopher RobinThe Darkest Minds
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