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Newsletter and jokes: 28 September 2018

Hi all

Schools out and the kids are running wild... more or less. Lucky sods.

So yes we have a wide variety of genres to entertain you, starting off with
the kiddie/family fare Smallfoot, which inverts the Bigfoot legend. Reviews
are above average so far so enjoy... :-)

Also up for the slightly older kids are the enhanced versions of The House 
With a Clock in Its Walls, the 4DX opened on Wednesday and the IMAX version
today, with the regular version hitting next week.

Then for the adults, we've got the man-friendly local war drama The Recce,
while the gals can catch A Simple Favour or the local Table Manners.
Couples looking for a low-brow comedy can check out Night School.

Bollywood has two offerings this week, both with a bit of comedy, although
judging by the trailer, Pataakha is quite hectic.

On the previews side, there are shows just about everywhere next Thursday
evening for the latest addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, namely
Venom ... in all four formats. The AgeRes is not out yet, but the USA gave
it PG13 while the UK opted for 15 (== 16 here).

Enjoy :-)

Releasing 28 September 2018

* Smallfoot (3D) (PG)
* Smallfoot (PG)
* The House With a Clock in Its Walls (IMAX) (PG10-12 VH)
* The House With a Clock in Its Walls (4DX) (PG10-12 VH)
* Table Manners (16 LD)
* The Recce (16 LVD)
* Night School (16 LVP)
* A Simple Favour (16 LSNVD)
* Sui Dhaaga: Made in India (Hindi)
* Pataakha (Hindi) 

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week 

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


I learned my name is spelled oddly from an early age, so that I make a 
point of bringing it up to others if they need to spell it. 
When I bought my first set of furniture, the salesperson asked for my name 
to put on the contract. I said it was Philip, one l. He then asked me for
my address. 

“Don’t you want my last name?” I asked. He looked confused and said that I 
had already given it to him. I looked at the contract and there it was, 
just as I’d told him:
“Phillip Wannel.”


When the box with my Halloween costume arrived, it was empty. I called the 
company and asked where my Maid Marian costume was.

“We’re sorry, ma’am. We’ll send your costume tomorrow,” the representative 
said. “In the meantime, feel free to keep the Lady Godiva costume you got 
by mistake.”


My two-year-old has a superpower: Everything he touches gets sticky.

We could live inside the school bus and my son would still find a way to
make us late for it every day.

After doing some DIY projects around the house, I have a new motto: 
Do your best to do things right the first few times.


SCENE: A graphic artist consulting with a client.
Client: I’m not too sure about the blue ...
Me: Actually, that’s green.
Client: Who’s the client?
Me: You.
Client: And what color is it?
Me: ... Blue?
Client: Right. Now let me see what other shades of blue we have.
We settled on pine tree “blue.”


My mother was browsing in a store when a saleswoman offered assistance. 
Mom admitted she didn’t have anything particular in mind, and the pair 
started chatting.

The woman quickly learned that Mom was retired. Interested, she confessed 
that she, too, was considering retirement. Mom immediately started telling 
her how much she liked no longer working and how the saleswoman would enjoy
it too.

Finally, convinced by Mom’s enthusiasm, she asked, “How long have you been 
Mom said, “This is my first day.”


Bosses ...

“Am I the only one around here with half a brain?”

“I know your performance review is due today, but let’s wait until 
tomorrow. I’m not in the mood for all that negativity.”

“I think you prefer your idea just because it’s better than mine.”

“We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired.”

“It has come to my attention that your salary is well below the industry 
average. Therefore I am changing your title.”

“OK, you bunch of crybabies, what’s this I hear about poor morale?”


Tourists at a natural history museum are marveling at some dinosaur bones. 
One of them asks a guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”

The guard replies, “They are 65,000,011 years old.” 

“That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their 
age so precisely?”

The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were 65,000,000 years old when
I started working here, and that was 11 years ago.”


ADAM AND EVE: the first people not to read the Apple Terms and Conditions.


If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau, they would win celebrity-couple 
nicknaming forever with “Portmanteau.”


There once was a lady named Ferris
Whom nothing could ever embarrass.
Till the bath salts one day,
In the tub where she lay,
Turned out to be plaster of paris.

There once was a runner named Dwight
Who could speed even faster than light.
He set out one day 
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

A forgetful old gasman named Dieter,
Who went poking around his gas heater,
Touched a leak with his light;
He blew out of sight—
And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry
can tell you, 
he also ruined the meter.

The House With a Clock (IMAX)PataakhaSmallfoot (3D)Sui Dhaaga: Made in IndiaA Simple FavourNight SchoolThe Recce
SmallfootTable Manners
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