Newsletter and jokes 19 April 2019

Hi all 
Sorry this is a bit late ... it somehow slipped my mind on Friday, then 
I had to go out, then I was going to do it this morning and instead spent 
the time running around to get replacement batteries for my UPS (thanks,  
Eskom) and then it slipped my mind again ... the joys of a long weekend. 
Anyway it is the Easter long weekend and we have some family fare with a  
touch of horror. 
First up is the animated kiddies film The Queen’s Corgi which has not 
released Stateside yet so reviews are scarce.  
That's joined by two comedies, one being the second episode in the local  
Kandasamys story, Kandasamys: The Wedding, which has had decent reviews. 
Also up is yet another body-swap comedy, this one starring the little 
girl from Black-ish (who pitched it to the studios and ended up being 
the youngest executive producer in Hollywood ...). 
Moving slightly up the age ladder, a female-human-interest story with  
Saint Judy (showing at the Noveaus and similar) and the multi-award- 
winning Capernaum, only Nouveaus Rosebank. 
Lastly from Hollywood, a remake of the Stephen King horror Pet Sematary, 
which the critics said was better than the original, but it didn't really 
set the box office on fire last week in the US, taking the back seat to  
Bollywood rolls out a complex love-drama set in the period just before  
Indian indepence. 
Avengers: Endgame opens next Friday, and there are previews just about 
everywhere in all formats next Thursday night. Be sure to book... 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 19 April 2019 
* The Queen’s Corgi (PG7-9 V IAT) 
* The Queen’s Corgi (3D) (PG7-9 V IAT) 
* Kandasamys: The Wedding (PG10-12 L) 
* Little (PG10-12 LS) 
* Pet Sematary (16 LVH) 
* Capernaum (16 LVPD SV) 
* Saint Judy (13 LVP SV) 
* Kalank (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (>Full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
When my coworker answered his phone, the confused woman on the other end  
asked, “Who is this?” 
“This is Steve. With whom did you wish to speak?” 
After a pause: “Did you just say whom?” 
“Yes, I did.” 
The woman replied, “I have the wrong number,” and hung up. 
After photographing my client for a few minutes, I felt compelled to stop  
shooting and say, “I gotta tell ya, that’s a great smile you have.” 
Beaming, he said, “Thanks. I got it for my birthday.” 
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough  
time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work.  
They finally went with mine. 
“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said. 
“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in  
our wall.” 
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. 
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for  
stepping on the floor she just mopped.” 
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant. 
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.” 
After our son gave the dog a bath, my husband came home from work.  
He took one look at the bathtub and asked me,  
“Did you just shave your legs?” 
He was serious. 
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. 
The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?” 
After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune 
cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” 
His read, “Talk while you have a chance.” 
I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too  
She looked surprised. 
I take after my father in the sense that we both have proud, prodigious  
noses. Anyway, one morning, following a night of tossing and turning, I sat 
on the side of the bed. “What’s wrong?” my husband asked. 
“I can’t sleep,” I said. “My nose is so stuffed up.” 
My loving man got out of bed and said, “Let me go get the plunger.” 
One lazy Sunday morning, as the wife and I were sitting around the  
breakfast table, I said, “When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff  
She asked, “Now, why would you want me to do something like that?” 
“I figure you’d eventually remarry, and I don’t want some other jerk using  
my stuff.” 
She looked at me intently and said, “What makes you think I’d marry another 
A New York matchmaking service has launched “Smell Dating,” which allows  
users to choose potential mates by sniffing swatches of their unwashed  
The Week asked its readers to title a romantic comedy about an aromatic  
* You’ve Got Smell 
* The Musk of Zorro 
* Soapless in Seattle 
* Bridget Jones’s Laundry 
* When Harry Sniffed Sally 

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