Newsletter and jokes 10 January 2020

Hi all 
So I got caught out by unexpected load-shedding.... 
Following some rather vicious "critiques" of the changes to the showtimes 
pages, I've reverted back to the old format for now. But I do need to  
convert them to something mobile-friendly soon... 
As far as the new movies go, the big release this week is the new version 
of Dolittle, which bears only a passing resemblance to the classic Rex 
Harrison version, or the Eddie Murphy version. It only opens stateside 
next week I think, and it looks like reviews have been embargoed, which is 
usually not a good sign. It is, however, showing in all the formats  
including the big-screen versions. 
Working up the ladded age-wise, next up is Judy, about legendary singer 
Judy Garland, which is on at the Nouveaus and similar. Then Miss Twilight 
herself, Kristin Stewart, headlines a teen horror set underwater, in  
Underwater (big surprise that). 
We have three offerings from the subcontinent, the historical epic 
Tanhaji: The Unsung Warrior and the modern-day Chhapaak, which takes a  
look at the awful practice of acid attacks, both of these are in Hindi. 
Then we have an over-the-top action thriller Darbar, in Tamil. 
No previews this week, and next week the first of the Oscar hopefuls (and 
already Golden Globe winners) arrives. 
New this week 
* Dolittle (3D) (PG7-9 V) 
* Dolittle (PG7-9 V) 
* Dolittle (3D IMAX) (PG7-9 V) 
* Dolittle (4DX) (PG7-9 V) 
* Underwater (13 LVH) 
* Judy (13 LVD) 
* Tanhaji: The Unsung Warrior 
* Chhapaak 
* Darbar   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Thanks, Ian 
My husband bought an exercise machine to help him shed a few kilos.  
He set it up in the braai room but didn’t use it much, so he moved it to  
the bedroom. It gathered dust there, too, so he put it in the living room. 
Weeks later I asked how it was going. “I was right,” he said.  
“I do get more exercise now. Every time I close the curtains, I have to  
walk around the machine.” 
After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious. 
“You’re running around with another woman — admit it!” she demanded. 
“What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re it!” 
That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awakened by Eve poking him in  
the chest. 
“What are you doing?” 
“Counting your ribs.” 
When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a  
soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset. 
While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband’s help. 
“The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is  
‘tiresome sameness.’ ” 
“Monogamy,” he answered. 
Shortly before our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, my husband sent  
twenty-five long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office.  
A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of  
our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them,  
wearing only a negligee. 
As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband. 
When he saw me, he shouted, “Are those potato chips?” 
The unsaid part of “This is fascinating!” is “to me.” 
Patient: “Doctor, before I marry Sarah next Saturday, there’s something I’d 
like to get off my chest.” 
Doctor: “What’s that?” 
Patient: “A tattoo saying: ‘I love Alice.’ ” 
It may have been the most romantic statement ever uttered in our courthouse.  
In between hearings, a wedding was performed. As the newlyweds left the  
courtroom, the bride nestled up to the groom and cooed,  
“Isn’t it nice to be here when we’re not being convicted of something?” 
Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to  
the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls. 
“Your wife must like rolls,” he said. 
“How do you know these are for my wife?” I asked. 
“Because your mother wouldn’t send you out in weather like this.” 

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