Newsletter and jokes 8 January 2021

Hi all 
The county is waiting in anticipation for the expected changes to the Covid 
restrictions. I'm guessing it will be over the weekend or early next week.  
In truth, SA is currently running 7th globally in terms of nem daily  
infections. Put another way, it's 50% higher than the peak back in winter. 
So we'll have to see what if anything they do about cinemas. 
In the mean time, there's only one new release, and also limited screenings 
of a performance of the famous Three Tenors. 
The film is adults-only crime drama Promisng Young Woman, starring Oscar- 
nominated Carey Mulligan. It's only a matter of time before she starts  
adding Oscars to her substantial awards collection. The film has received 
good ratngs from press and public alike. 
No previews this week, and at the moment there are no releases scheduled 
for next week... which is the first time we've had that since I started  
this site back in 1997. 
Enjoy the air-conditioned cinemas while you can! :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
New this week 
* Promisng Young Woman (16 LSVD) 
* Three Tenors (music)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week (not this week)   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Thanks, Ian 
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to  
become a great writer. 
When asked to define "Great" he said, 
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people  
will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream,  
cry, howl in pain and anger!" 
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. 
Where's the best place to hide a body? 
Page two of Google. 
I changed my password to "incorrect".  
So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say  
"Your password is incorrect". 
My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbours have not  
paid the bill.  
Some people are so irresponsible. 
My two roommates were delighted when I purchased a pet parrot and moved him  
into our dormitory quarters. They were equally enthusiastic about taking  
turns teaching the bird how to talk. 
Over and over again, we repeated the words, “Hello, Baby. Want a kiss?”  
This had gone on for about an hour one day when a note was 
slipped under our door. An anonymous and perplexed individual 
had written:  
“We don’t know who you have in there, but why don’t you give up?  
He’s obviously not interested!” 
The party was getting under way, and our hostess, who had never before  
opened a bottle of champagne, was struggling with the cork.  
It popped out suddenly, dousing the gown of one guest.  
The hostess was completely flustered until the soaking-wet woman saved 
the day by announcing gaily, “At last – I’ve been launched!” 
We are the proud owners of a huge Saint Bernard dog. My father, who is in  
the restaurant business, often brings home large beef bones for the dog to  
chew on. In fact, our backyard is strewn with these bones. 
One day, over the back fence, our neighbour was showing his elderly father  
our Saint Bernard.  
“Will he bite?” asked the older man.  
Told that he would not, the father asked suspiciously, “Well, then, whose  
remains are those in the yard?” 
At the dinner table one evening our teenage daughter was telling us about a  
film she had seen at school.  
“It was on mental and emotional health,” she said. 
“And can you tell us,” I asked teasingly, “the exact difference between  
‘mental’ and ‘emotional’ health?” 
“Well,” she replied, “the way I see it, mental health is how you feel 
about geometry; emotional health is how you feel about the boy who sits 
next to you in geometry.” 
Being a working mother, I am aware there are things in our home I tend to  
overlook. Recently, my 11-year-old son told me he had gained full marks for  
an essay entitled ‘My Home’. 
Embarrassed, I read: “I wake up in the morning just as the sun’s rays are 
reaching the windowsill. I lie there until they shine on the big spider’s 
web in the corner of my bedroom, and then I know it’s time to get up.” 
FOUND: Roll of hundred-rand banknotes. Will the owner please form 
a line at the north entrance to B. Hall.  
After having her frisky four year old under her feet all morning, a mother  
suggested, “Why don’t you go over and see how old Mrs Smith is, dear?” 
Off went the child, but she was back within minutes.  
“Mum,” she said, “Mrs Smith said it’s none of your business how old she is.” 
A retailer, annoyed because he had to wait several months for an order,  
emailed the manufacturer: “Cancel order immediately.” 
Back came the response: “Regret cannot cancel immediately. You must take  
your turn!”  

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