Newsletter and jokes 10 September 2021

Hi all 
A rather violent week at the movies this week.  
There is nothing new for the little ones, we start right at the 16 level  
with The Protégé, starring Maggie Q as a skilled assassin. It's found more 
favour with the public than the critics. 
At Level 18, we have two offerings .. the horror thriller Malignant, which  
has not been released States-side yet, and the another episode in The Purge 
franchise, titled The Forever Purge, which will not be everyone's cup of  
Apparently the horror genre is doing well during the current crisis. 
New this week: 
* The Protégé (16 LNV) 
* Malignant (18 LVH SV) 
* The Forever Purge (18 LVHP)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (cellphone wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I make made-to-measure doggie coats.  
Once, a customer contacted me with a description of her dog and a rough  
estimate of his size. 
I suggested I make a house call to measure him, and she replied, 
“No, he will guess it’s a coat and it’s a surprise for his birthday.  
Can you make it in stretchy material please?" 
My great-uncle Joe had just got his first mobile phone.  
But he was having problems with it. He texted me,  
"I don't think my messages are reaching people." 
"Trust me," I replied, "They are." 
He texted back, "But how can you be so sure?" 
My husband left a note for the office cleaner at work because he'd noticed 
the trophy cupboard the firm owned was quite dusty. He left a note saying, 
"Check out the trophies". 
The next day he found it still very dusty with a note added from the 
cleaner: "Yes, super trophies!" 
The other day, I overheard a couple of elderly gentlemen venting their 
frustrations about the woes of modern technology. 
"I just can't ever seem to remember my passwords," grumbled one of them. 
The other one smiled. "Oh? I can never forget mine." 
"How do you do it?" asked the first man curiously. 
"Well, I simply set all my passwords to 'Incorrect' so that whenever I'm  
told that my password is incorrect, I'll remember it!" 
Why was it called the “Road Out of Lockdown” and not the  
“Road to De-Mask-Us?” 
Whenever I leave a restaurant, I always stop by a random table and 
say, “Thank you for taking care of the bill.” 
Investor: So it’s like a spoon going into a baby’s mouth? 
Orville Wright: But in the air, yes. 
Yesterday, I ate a clock.  
It was very time-consuming.  
Especially when I went back for seconds. 
Did you hear the news? The former CEO of IKEA is now Prime Minister of 
He’s spent the first week assembling his cabinet. 
The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to 
his rival’s restaurant. The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and  
figure out the recipe for his rival’s famous clam chowder. 
The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that 
the rival uses. They try making the chowder, but it doesn’t turn out the 
same. The owner sends him back. 
The second day, the son comes home having watched the rival chef prepare  
the chowder. They try again to make it, and it’s close, but the consistency  
is too watery. The son realises that he was distracted for a minute while  
the chef did something. 
“He must have added a secret ingredient, one not on the list, while you  
looked away!” concludes the owner. He sends his son back for a third day,  
this time telling him not to take his eyes off the chef for a second. 
The son comes back the next day excited. “You’ll never believe what I 
saw!” he says. “He did have a secret ingredient, it’s a piece of paper!” 
“A piece of paper?” 
“Yeah, he keeps a stack of printed paper in the kitchen. It’s a bunch of  
Wikipedia articles he’s printed out about various movies. When he makes the  
chowder, he tears out the synopsis of a movie and puts it in. It’s strange,  
but that’s the secret ingredient.”  
“Ah,” says the owner, a knowing smile on his face. “The plot thickens.” 
Two Mafia hitmen are walking in the forest late at night.  
One says to the other, “I’ve gotta say, I’m scared out here!” 
The other replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back alone! 
A child finds a magical lamp, he rubs it, and a genie appears.  
“What is your first wish?” the genie asks. 
The kid thinks for a moment, then says, “I wish I was rich.” 
“It’s done,” the genie replies. “What’s your second wish, Rich?” 
Why are the pyramids in Egypt? 
They were too heavy to steal and place in the British Museum.  
A photon walks into a hotel and is asked if he needs help with his bags.  
“No thanks, I’m travelling light.” 

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.