Newsletter and jokes 1 October 2021


 
Hi all 
 
Welcome back, Mr Bond. We've been expecting you. 
 
Apart from James, the only other new entry is the adults-only horror sequel,  
Don't Breathe 2.  
 
Though I suspect James will also be making people hold their breath. :-) 
 
No previews this week. Enjoy James :-) 
 
New this week: 
 
* No Time to Die (3D) (13 LVD) 
* No Time to Die (13 LVD) 
* No Time to Die (3D IMAX) (13 LVD) 
* No Time to Die (IMAX) (13 LVD) 
* No Time to Die (4DX) (13 LVD) 
* Don't Breathe 2 (18 LVH) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the pic and quote on the home page 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper ...)  
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
 
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My father was cross with my mother after he came home from work, and  
discovered that she hadn't watered the plants on the patio, like he asked  
her to.  
 
She explained: "It was raining". 
 
"That's no excuse," he replied. "You could have used an umbrella!” 
 
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The bus I was on was creeping slowly forwards, in heavy traffic. 
 
On the other side of the road, a telephone engineer had opened up a large  
junction box and was staring at a mass of wiring, contemplating his next  
move.  
 
The bus driver, clearly a fan of action movies, leaned his head out of the  
cab window and shouted, "Cut the blue one!" 
 
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I was out with some friends listening to a modern band and commented that  
the lyrics to the songs were very repetitive and couldn’t the singer do  
better. 
 
Someone said, “Maybe, but have you ever heard the “Hallelujah” chorus?” 
 
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One day, my son was working in his surgery and it was a very busy day.  
He got a call from my eight-year-old grandson, Ruben. Normally he won’t  
take personal calls while at surgery, but because it was his son, he  
thought it must have been urgent, and took the call.  
 
Ruben said, “Dad, am I allowed to buy a season pass for Fortnite?” 
 
It’s a computer game and my son was annoyed that he was disturbed for this,  
and abruptly replied, “I’m busy, I can’t talk. Bye”.  
 
When my son came home that evening, his wife complained, “We agreed it’s  
not good practice. Why did you let Ruben buy online?” 
 
My son replied, “Of course I didn’t give him permission to buy, let’s ask 
him what's going on.” 
 
He called Ruben down and asked him why he didn’t listen to his dad, and how  
dare he go against his parents’ wishes.  
 
Ruben said, “Dad, you said that you were busy and couldn’t talk.  
 
But you said ‘BUY’. 
 
That’s why I got it.” 
 
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Did you hear about the new app that allows you to rent your attic space to 
mad women? 
 
It’s called Eyre BnB. 
 
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Can’t believe somebody broke into my house and stole my limbo stick. 
 
How low can you go? 
 
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People think that “queue” is just the letter “q” followed by four silent 
letters.  
 
But those letters are not silent.  
 
They’re just waiting their turn. 
 
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Me: I’ve lost the dictionary. 
 
Her: Can you look upstairs? 
 
Me: I can’t look up anything! 
 
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There’s a man in America who says that he can rob his local supermarkets  
using telekineses. 
 
Food for thought that, isn’t it? 
 
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An angel appears to a man in a puff of smoke and says to him, “Because you 
have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can have 
infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth.” 
 
After reflecting, the man says, “I’ll take the wisdom” 
 
“Wisdom is yours,” says the angel, and promptly disappears. 
 
The puff of smoke is barely clear before the man thinks to himself, 
I should have taken the money. 
 
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Did you hear about the poor emu who grew a few feet taller and lost all of 
his friends? 
 
He was ostrich sized. 
 
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What do you get when you cross a sad fruit with a sad vegetable? 
 
A meloncauliflower. 
 
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Everybody knows where the Big Apple is. 
 
But does anybody know where the Minneapolis is? 
 
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I asked my dog what one minus one equals. 
 
He said nothing. 
 
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