Newsletter and jokes 26 August 2022

Hi all 
The big release this week is what I think is the final episode in the teen 
sex-and-angst Ever After series. Early public reviews have not been good,  
but it hasn't opened Stateside yet so those might be from people who have  
not even seen it. 
For the little kiddies, we have the animated Best Birthday Ever, which is 
from Europe rather than Hollywood. 
From Bollywood, we have the Action/Drama/Romance/Fighting tale Liger, 
releasing in both Hindi and Telugu versions. 
No previews this week, but Andre Rieu: Happy Days Are Here Again 2022 is 
screeing at selected venues this week-end. 
New this week 
Best Birthday (Ever A) 
After Ever Happy (16 LSVD) 
Liger (Hindi) (Probably 13 or 16 V) 
Liger (Telugu) (Probably 13 or 16 V)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Kids Today Will Never Know ... 
the annoyance of calling your friend and having to ask to speak to them. 
the joy of being selected to go outside to dust the erasers. 
the rush of the Internet finally connecting on that third dialing attempt. 
Whenever my three-year-old grandson comes to visit, we inevitably play Army.  
I’m the lowly private and he’s the general barking out orders.  
“Soldier, do this! Soldier, do that!”  
One day, while we were playing, he needed to use the bathroom. A few min- 
utes later, the door opened and there he stood, his pants around his ankles, 
shouting, “Soldier! I can’t get my pants up!” 
The guy in front of me in the grocery store checkout line was buying just  
three things: a case of beer, a carton of cigarettes, and a gallon of milk. 
The total came to $75. 
He stood there for a moment in disbelief before asking the cashier,  
“How much was that milk?” 
I’m supposed to give my wife an injection today but she’s worried cuz she’s  
seen my many struggles with Liquifruit straws. 
My six-year-old, to her crying brother: It’s OK to be sad. Sometimes 
we need to let our feelings out. Just let yourself be sad.  
Me: Oh darling, that’s so lovely. Well done. Why is he crying anyway? 
My six-year-old: I hit him. 
Military personnel are an optimistic bunch.  
During a class on defensive positioning, someone asked our instructor, 
“What do we doif we’re surrounded?” 
“Son,” the instructor said, “never think of yourself as being ‘surrounded.’  
Look at it as being in a target-rich environment.” 
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” 
So we stopped playing chess. 
I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I 
couldn’t get pasta. 
Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next-day delivery. 
My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock. 
By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do  
I – but it is the same house and it is the same family. 
I hate funerals – I’m not a mourning person. 
I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of  
my life that I’m definitely getting back. 
I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx. 
I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery. 
Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do  
all the jobs you hate. 
I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days. 

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