Hi all Only one new release this week, the hightly-rated-and-lauded Poor Things. Be advised it is not for the prudish. :-) Bollywood's spin on Top Gun, Fighter, opens on Wednesday. Enjoy. :-) New this week * Poor Things (18 LNSVD) https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm Forthcoming attractions https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the home page poster https://www.moviesite.co.za/ List of all movies showing https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Showtimes https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Enjoy :-) Cheers, Ian --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Waiter, my coffee tastes like dirt! That's because it was ground yesterday. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why are people in Taiwan so highly strung? They have Taipei personalities. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- As an older gentleman, I miss urinals. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have a phobia about over engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I ran into my ex-wife at the grocery store last week. Her funeral is next Sunday. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I’ve started a new fitness workout that combines indoor rock climbing and Pilates. I call it Pilates of the Carabiner. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I tried giving my son a bath yesterday and he threw an absolute tantrum. His wife wasn’t too happy about it either. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've been thinking a lot about Asian restaurants... They have really big toothpicks. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's so cold outside that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- If inmates could take their own mugshots, what would you call them? Cellfies --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I named my baby goat Humphrey Bogart because he has a lopsided head. Ears looking askew, kid. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some people are so ungrateful. If I’ve made you breakfast in bed all I need is a simple “thank you.” None of this “how did you get in my house?” nonsense. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was walking around downtown when I saw this featureless white building. Curious, I found a door and went inside to see what was going on here. I was greeted by white robed acolytes who wordlessly directed me into the main chapel where a hundred or so other white robed acolytes were singing hymns of praise to the vacuum of space. Upon the front wall was a large, white number zero. And the white altar beneath it was covered with a white silk cloth, and was empty. Not wishing to disrupt their worship I stepped back into the nave and asked one of the silent acolytes there, "Is Nothing sacred?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- My teacher told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I replied “Just you wait and see!” --------------------------------------------------------------------------- What a terrible day. Managed to cut off 2 of my fingers on my right hand. Just asked the doctor if I'll be able to write again... ... he said 'probably but I wouldn't count on it'. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in most of the way and one to give it a surprise twist at the end. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me: Wow I am so hungry My horse: (nervously) How hungry? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A father is driving his son to his first day of school. The boy looks worried, so his dad asks him "What's wrong?" The kid asks his father nervously, "How long do I have to go to school for?" "Until you're 18." says the father. The boy nods quietly. When they get to the front of the school, he asks, "Daddy, can you please give my puppy a hug for me?" "You can hug him when you get home, son." says the father. "Well can you please give mommy a big hug for me--" "Son," the father says abruptly, "you can hug her when you get home." The boy's eyes get watery and he starts to sniff. So the father adds, "Don't worry so much, you'll be fine. Go on now." The boy nods and wipes his nose. "Daddy, can I ask one more question?" "Go on." says the dad. The boy, now very teary-eyed, says "Daddy, you'll remember to come get me when I'm 18, won't you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I told my son his shoes were on the wrong feet... ... and he looked down, looked at me, and said, "But these are the only feet I've got!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole - killing them both instantly. The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he'll get back with them on that request. A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can, in fact, get married in Heaven. To his surprise, the woman asks "Just wondering, if things don't work out will we be able to get a divorce?" With a stern look in his eye, Peter blurts out "Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here, you really think I'm gonna find a lawyer?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The secretary of a high-priced lawyer announced to him the arrival of a new client - a gorgeous young woman. The woman sat down and said, "I want a divorce." "On what grounds," asked the lawyer. "Infidelity, I don't think my husband has been faithful to me." "What makes you think that." "Well, I don't think he's the father of my child." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- After I got pulled over, I told the policeman, "You can’t give me a ticket. I’m planning to run a marathon tomorrow." Cop: That’s not how you play the race card. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Six Million Dollar Man TV series is getting rebooted: It's just a documentary of an American getting a kidney transplant. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the garden. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?” The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm a farmer and my wife announced that she was thinking of leaving me to run off with a tractor salesman. I expected to get a "Dear John" letter but instead, I got a "John Deere" letter. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- "For twenty-four glorious years my wife and I were supremely happy," mused the gentleman at the bar. "Then what happened?," asked the bartender. "We met." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I like to keep a ruler under my pillow. It tells me how long I've slept. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- How many Darwin Award winners does it take to screw in a lightbulb? We have no idea, they keep getting electrocuted trying. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why should you learn sign language? It's very handy --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why are vampires so skinny? They eat necks to nothing.