Hi all A quiet week at the movies. Bob Marley's biopic opened on Wednesday, also in the USA, where it set the record for a mid-week Valentine's Day opening. Today sees Madame Web, set in the world of Spider-Man, but critical reception overseas has been poor. The public were more forgiving. Enjoy. :-) New this week * Madame Web (13 LV) * Madame Web (IMAX) (13 LV) * Bob Marley: One Love (13 VD) https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm Forthcoming attractions https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the home page poster https://www.moviesite.co.za/ List of all movies showing https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Showtimes https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Enjoy :-) Cheers, Ian --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phrases that most men struggle to say out loud: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick? My mother-in-law is moving in with us. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife is threatening to leave me because I can never make a decision for myself. Guys, how should I respond to this? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man runs into a proctologist office... ... shouting "Help me! Help me! I think I'm a moth!" The doctor said "I'm a proctologist. You should see the psychiatrist." The man says "Yes I know." The proctologist asks "Then why did you come into this office?" The man says "The light was on." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A KGB spy and a CIA agent meet up in a bar for a friendly drink. "I have to admit, I'm always so impressed by Soviet propaganda. You really know how to get people worked up," the CIA agent says. "Thank you," the KGB says. "We do our best but truly, it's nothing compared to American propaganda. Your people believe everything your state media tells them." The CIA agent drops his drink in shock and disgust. "Thank you friend, but you must be confused... There's no propaganda in America." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- An X-ray walks into a bar... The bartender asks, "The usual?" The x-ray replies, "No, I'm spent. I'm here so frequently but today is the worst day to be short." The bartender smiles, "Ok, here's a juice, don't worry it's on the house. So care to shed some light on what's troubling you?" The x-ray sighs, "I just found out I'm on the spectrum. No wonder I always feel like no one sees the real me" The bartender chuckles, "Well buddy, I think it's 'cause you're always so negative!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- People who commit tax fraud make me sick. They are ruining things for me and my 28 dependents. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just got back from the doctor... ... and he thinks I might have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicoconiosis but it's hard to say. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!” The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again…” --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every Saturday I go to the park and observe a group of middle aged women sitting, talking and laughing loudly. One day I noticed the ladies were pretty silent. There must be some serious matter, I wonder. When they disbursed, I caught up to a lady and asked: "Why was everybody silent today?" She said: "Everyone in the group was present today." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was watching Australian Master Chef last night. Some guy made a meringue and everybody cheered. I thought... That's odd, normally in Australia they boo meringue. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- My friend begged me for weeks to go spelunking with him. Finally, I caved. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A recently married woman, a bit suspicious of her husband, hired a private detective to follow him. After a week, the detective reported that he had tracked her husband in to four bars and a bachelor's apartment. "Aha," she exclaimed, "I knew that skunk was cheating on me. Go on, what was he doing in those places?" Embarrassed, and with a halting voice, the detective said, "Maam, he was trailing you." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I didn’t get the job hypnotising chickens. I failed the hen trance exam. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ole finally died, so Lena went to the newspaper office to arrange for his obituary. The editor said, "OK, Lena, what do you want it to say?" "'Ole died.'" "Well, the lowest price is for one to five words, so you might as well make it five words." "OK. 'Ole died. Boat for sale.'" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I didnt think orthopedic shoes would help me at all to be honest. But I stand corrected. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks up to a bar and orders a Jack and Coke. The bartender asks "is Pepsi ok?". The guy nodded. Then the bartender says "one Pepsi and Coke coming up". --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I told my wife "If I ever lose my mind to Alzheimer's, just take me out in the woods and shoot me" She replied "You already told me that three times today". --------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's so good to see American politics united like this. I mean seriously, when was the last time you walk into a meeting of either candidates' side and openly stated "I can't believe they are running that senile pervert against us."