Newsletter and jokes 14 October 2016

Hi all 
Well the schools are up and running, not so sure about the students... 
For lovers of the waltz, we've got Andre Rieu's Maastricht 2016 extravaganza 
showing Saturday and Sunday only, at the Nouveaus.  
There's also something of a mini Afrikaans film festival at Tygervalley on 
This week has a small lineup, but what it lacks in quantity, it makes up For in 
quality (well, 2 out of 3 anyway). The two movies are both well rated, but 
in completely different genres and aimed at different markets. 
There are previews next Wednesday for Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, at the IMAX 
theatres around the country (two shows at each). See the previews page and  
remember to book.  
Enjoy :-) 
M O V I E S 
Released 14 October 2016 
* Queen of Katwe (PG7-9 P) 
* Don't Breathe (16 LV) 
* Masterminds (PG10-12 V)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 21 October.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the guys)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A man and woman were married for many years. 
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the 
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the 
grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" 
Neighbors feared him. 
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. 
Then one evening, he died when he was 98. 
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't 
you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and 
haunt you for the rest of your life?" 
The wife said, "Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down; and I know he 
won't ask for directions." 
Two Asian drug addicts are in hospital after injecting themselves with 
curry powder. One has a dodgy tikka, the other is in a korma. 
A few decades back there was a global computer company called Wang, after the  
founder. In the 70s a new policy was introduced of announcing the office name  
after the city of location, eg. "Wang London", "Wang Paris". But the German HQ 
was in Cologne, quickly changed to "Wang Germany" 
Saw an old friend of mine the other day, so I asked him how things were. 
He told me that things were bad ... his missus wasn't talking to him. 
I saw him again today & asked how things were now. 
He said they were worse. 
I asked him to share his feelings as to how worse things could get. 
He said that she was now talking to him ... 
Need I say more! 
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to 
the starving people throughout the world. 
I told them No. 
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving! 
I've spent 95% of my money on women and drink....the rest of it I've 
I just broke up with this cross-eyed bird. I thought she was seeing someone 
There are only two times in a man's life when we don't understand 
women...before marriage and then again after marriage. 
When you're girlfriend asks, "Does my bum look big in this?" Never reply, 
"The dress or the room?" 
I support feminists ... if only they put all that passion into their 
Apparently women have far cleaner minds than men. Hardly surprising as they 
change them every five minutes of the day! 

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