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Newsletter and jokes: 12 May 2017

Hi all

Guardians of the Galaxy did very well States side last week, meaning that
Disney now has the two top openers for this year and looks set for another
record-breaking year at the box office.

Locally this week we have what I suppose is the second (third?) 'summer 
blockbuster' in the form of Guy Ritchie's take on the King Arthur story, 
but it's not going to challenge Guardians or Fast 8 anytime soon.

We've actually got two movies with local stars... Sharlto Copley being all
potty-mouthed and thickly-accented in Free Fire, and local lass Natalie 
Becker facing ethical medical dilemmas as a surgeon.

There's a Chinese-based action movie which seems to be having a troubled
release overseas, counterbalanced by the art house release looking at 
issues facing women back in the 1970s.

Lastly we have two releases from India. Speaking of which, Baahubali 2: 
The Conclusion which released 2 weeks ago is rewriting the record books
all over. It's being hailed as a major breakthrough for Indian cinema.

Lastly the European film festival is playing at the Nouveaus... enjoy.

Released 5 May 2017

* King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (13 VH)
* King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (3D) (13 VH)
* Free Fire (18 LV)
* Bypass (13 V)
* 20th Century Women (13 LSD)
* Warrior's Gate (PG10-12 V)
* Sarkar 3 (Hindi)
* Meri Pyaari Bindu (Hindi)

SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

Forthcoming attractions for 19 May

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


A State Trooper pulled an 87-year-old woman over for speeding.

As he looked at her driver's license he was surprised to notice that
attached to it was a conceal weapon permit.

Taken aback, he couldn't help but ask, ââ‚"Do you have a gun in your

She replied in her crackly voice, "Indeed, I do. Why I have a 45
automatic in the glove box."

The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons.

She replied, "I have a 9 mm Glock in the center console."

The shocked trooper asked, "Is that all the weapons you are

The little old lady held up her purse and replied, "Well, I do keep a 38
special in my purse."

Finally, the astonished trooper asked, "What are you afraid of?"

And the little old lady smiled and replied: "Not a Darn Thing."


A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has
to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,

"I'm wondering, then,just how serious is my condition because this
prescription is marked



Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of
furniture in his store, so he went to Paris to see what he could find.

He visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would
sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit
a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he
noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at
his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked
him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned
to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her
English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of
trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a
wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine
for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and
drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.. They left the
bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic
music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a
picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They
danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a
four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was
in the furniture business.


I prefer to describe myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological
Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair.
Besides...."stalker" is such an ugly word.


A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost
me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really
doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
be careful.'

Meri Pyaari Bindu20th Century WomenKing Arthur: Legend of the Sword (3D)
BypassWarrior's GateSarkar 3King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
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