Newsletter and jokes 12 May 2017

Hi all 
Guardians of the Galaxy did very well States side last week, meaning that 
Disney now has the two top openers for this year and looks set for another 
record-breaking year at the box office. 
Locally this week we have what I suppose is the second (third?) 'summer  
blockbuster' in the form of Guy Ritchie's take on the King Arthur story,  
but it's not going to challenge Guardians or Fast 8 anytime soon. 
We've actually got two movies with local stars... Sharlto Copley being all 
potty-mouthed and thickly-accented in Free Fire, and local lass Natalie  
Becker facing ethical medical dilemmas as a surgeon. 
There's a Chinese-based action movie which seems to be having a troubled 
release overseas, counterbalanced by the art house release looking at  
issues facing women back in the 1970s. 
Lastly we have two releases from India. Speaking of which, Baahubali 2:  
The Conclusion which released 2 weeks ago is rewriting the record books 
all over. It's being hailed as a major breakthrough for Indian cinema. 
Lastly the European film festival is playing at the Nouveaus... enjoy. 
Released 5 May 2017 
* King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (13 VH) 
* King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (3D) (13 VH) 
* Free Fire (18 LV) 
* Bypass (13 V) 
* 20th Century Women (13 LSD) 
* Warrior's Gate (PG10-12 V) 
* Sarkar 3 (Hindi) 
* Meri Pyaari Bindu (Hindi)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 19 May  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A State Trooper pulled an 87-year-old woman over for speeding. 
As he looked at her driver's license he was surprised to notice that 
attached to it was a conceal weapon permit. 
Taken aback, he couldn't help but ask, ââ‚"Do you have a gun in your 
She replied in her crackly voice, "Indeed, I do. Why I have a 45 
automatic in the glove box." 
The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons. 
She replied, "I have a 9 mm Glock in the center console." 
The shocked trooper asked, "Is that all the weapons you are 
The little old lady held up her purse and replied, "Well, I do keep a 38 
special in my purse." 
Finally, the astonished trooper asked, "What are you afraid of?" 
And the little old lady smiled and replied: "Not a Darn Thing." 
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has 
to be taken for the rest of my life?" 
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. 
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 
"I'm wondering, then,just how serious is my condition because this 
prescription is marked 
Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of 
furniture in his store, so he went to Paris to see what he could find. 
He visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would 
sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit 
a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he 
noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at 
his table was the only vacant seat in the house. 
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked 
him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned 
to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her 
English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of 
trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a 
wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine 
for her. 
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and 
drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.. They left the 
bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic 
music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a 
picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They 
danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. 
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a 
four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was 
in the furniture business. 
I prefer to describe myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological 
Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. 
Besides...."stalker" is such an ugly word. 
A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost 
me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 
'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?' 
'Twelve thirty.' 
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a 
gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really 
doing great, aren't you?' 
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be 
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; 
be careful.' 

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.