Newsletter and jokes 7 June 2019

Hi all 
It's the tail end of exam season and people need a break... so we have the 
next US summer blockbuster to entertain you. 
Actually it's also a bit of "the girls from TV" this week, with Game of  
Thrones' Sophie Turner headlining the lastest chapter from the X-Men world, 
in Dark Phoenix. The actual title has been a bit of a puzzle, as some  
posters did it as X-Men: Dark Phoenix while others just had Dark Phoenix, 
with the x in a circle. I usually follow the IMDB name as the "official" 
title, and they dropped the X-Man part. 
Our second young TV starlet is Yara Shahidi, from Black-ish and Grown-ish, 
who is headlining the offbeat romance The Sun Is Also a Star. 
Then, following the success of Bohemian Rhapsody, we look at another  
70s/80s aging rocker, Elton John, in the adults-only Rocketman, which  
kicked up a storm at Cannes and has been described as better in many ways 
than Bohemian Rhapsody. Sharing the same director probably helped. 
The last release this week is the down-market action-thriller Backtrace, 
which is not going to be winning Sly any awards. 
No previews this week, but the Men in Black are back next week... 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 31 May 2019 
* Dark Phoenix (3D) (13 LV) 
* Dark Phoenix (13 LV) 
* Dark Phoenix (3D IMAX) (13 LV) 
* Rocketman (16 LSPD IAT) 
* The Sun Is Also a Star (13 LSV) 
* Backtrace (16 LVD)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (bigger-than-full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I was performing my musical act at an elementary school one day.  
The principal charged all the kids 25 cents each to impress upon them that  
art isn’t free.  
As the kindergartners filed in, one scowling little boy fixed me with a  
hard stare and said, “This had better be worth a quarter.” 
I can honestly say that was the most stressful gig I’ve ever played. 
My second-grade student came running up to me, whining.  
“Look what Robert stuck on my back!” he said. 
It was a sticky note with the words “Kick me, I’m stupid” written on it. 
I took Robert aside and lectured him on how to treat people with kindness  
and the importance of being polite and encouraging. 
A few minutes later, I heard, “Look what Robert stuck on my back!” 
It was that first little boy, holding another sticky note. This one said,  
“Kick me, I’m smart.” 
My ESL (English as a second language) students try so hard and are so  
One student paid me the ultimate compliment when she said,  
“You teach English good.”  
Another assured me, “I will always forget you.”  
And a third insisted, “I thank you from the heart of my bottom.” 
Clever kids... 
Q: Who was Joan of Arc? 
A: She was Noah’s wife.  
Q: What percentage of the European population died following the outbreak  
of the plague? 
A: One hundred percent, eventually.  
A classmate and I were walking past a poster in our school hallway.  
It featured a photo of Einstein with the words Even Einstein Read Books. 
My friend was amazed: “I didn’t know Einstein’s first name was Evan.” 
One of my fourth-grade students told me he had trouble with maths.  
His explanation summed it up well:  
“The guy next to me always gets ten out of ten on his quizzes, and I get  
only ten out of four.” 
After a coworker had finished his English lecture and his class had filed  
out, a tenth grader stayed behind to confront him. 
“I don’t appreciate being singled out,” he told his teacher. 
The teacher was confused. “What do you mean?” 
“I don’t know what the ‘oxy’ part means, but I know what a ‘moron’ is, and  
you looked straight at me when you said it.” 
The problem with maths puns is that calculus jokes are derivative, trig  
jokes are too graphic, and algebra jokes are formulaic.  
But these jokes are guaranteed to multiply your enjoyment. 
What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its  
A cow pi. 
Why don’t calculus majors throw house parties?  
Because you should never drink and derive. 
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?  
A roamin’ numeral. 
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing a river?  
It was three feet deep, on average. 
Old mathematicians never die. They just lose some of their functions. 
Why do teenagers travel in groups of three?  
Because they can’t even! 
Why should you never mention the number 288?  
It’s two gross. 

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